Integrating Our Agenda with G-ds Agenda

Hello!! This blogger is back after a bit of an unexpected break from writing. Most of you know that I have been suffering from and have been proactive with my struggle with Fibromyalgia aka Fibromyfu@kingalgia.

But, this isn’t about my battle with the “F word”. This is about my trying to understand my life and my role in it. You see instead of going with my interest and blogging about my family’s fun filled, fast paced family vacation in Hawaii and how I just wanted them to not just have fun, but not fall over the side of a cliff and not be taken or get lost, I am writing about something I have been pondering about lately…How do I/we go about incorporating our agenda with G-d’s.

I have been wondering about this since I got back from Hawaii in time for Kevin and Sara to start school. I got Kevin and Sara on track with school and then I found myself going backwards. Sleeping from an exhausting yet exhilarating vacation ( I did it, I had fun even though I had to take daily naps and monitor what I ate) and not being able to find my groove because my responsibilities and lack of good health were getting in the way of my intent, my certainty of becoming the Hollywood writer I want to be and vision becoming. How can I be the writer mom and wife I want to be while being motivated by seeing daily signs from meeting somebody in the industry or seeing something written or mentioned that I thought or wrote about that day if not earlier.

How do we stay focused and on track when the universe throws us curve balls or devastation that takes time if not years to recover from. What’s a soul to do??

No matter what career we choose, (even us family nannies and housekeepers, moms don’t stay at home full time) we are making a difference in the lives of others. We know that any word we say or action we take can make a difference in somebody’s life. So.. Why all the drama and devastation, to throw us off our game? How do we not just survive but thrive when we feel we are once again forced to overcome more obstacles, whether it be emotional or physical to achieve our life’s goals.

Some of you know by now that I have been involved with Kabbalah for the past year and a half. It’s been a spiritual journey that has not been about finding G-d, but bringing more light into my life and less darkness. It’s been about dealing with my premonitions (amazing and yet sometimes evil) and picking up negative energy that few can pick up. For me it is another tool for me in playing the game I call life.. Just yesterday I was asked to share in my class about my past experiences with attracting negative and sometimes amazing energy and my past premonitions. One of the premonitions I shared was that of a thought a couple of years ago that a father was going to kill his family because of the depression (people were and still are depressed and losing homes to say the least!). I thought it was a bit strange and just told myself that it didn’t involve me and hoped and prayed for the best…THE NEXT DAY it was all over the news that some dad in California shot and killed himself and his family…This was the first domestic killing that was connected to the depressing economy… As I was sharing this story, I felt like another dad could kill off his family…..and… it did…Today it was on the news that a NJ father shot and killed his two young children before killing himself…..

I have been told it’s a blessing which I don’t consider it to be…It is what it is, sound familiar??? It’s an ability and I along with others I have conversed with, are being used as vehicles, messengers…Really?!
So I ask…How can I be the mother, wife and writer I want to be, vision to be, if I keep getting thrown curve balls. In what I have studied, learned, I am believing that because G-d wants us to grow, evolve, appreciate, do good for others and not the self alone, (make a difference), that bad things have to happen, it’s part of life. It sucks yet levels the playing field….I just wish there was a quota on how much suffering each person had to go thru!

So I guess our job is to keep our eye on what we want for ourselves, go with the flow (gives it new meaning dosen’t it?) and stay in the game even if we have to take a break.

How do you stay in the game??? How do you integrate your agenda with G-d’s???? Tell us!